*Spoiler Alert!* From Redux 2 up to The Red And The Black although you
really can't tell
Disclaimer:  Yes, I know, zzzzz, but it has to be done if I want to save
my skin, my money, my website and my stories!  I don't own Mulder, Scully
or anything related to The X-Files apart from my merchandise and videos,
everything else is the precious property of Chris I Am God Carter, 1013,
Twentieth Century Fox and
probably a bunch of other people.  I'm making no
money from this, it's here just to enlighten people of the goings-on
in my strange little brain.  Don't sue me, I'm too busy with exams!  And anyway, all
you'd get is a few coppers and a suicide note.  I left everything to David.
Rating:
Classification:
Summary:
Noromos and Naxis - get out or regret it forever.  Don't bother to
flame me - you shouldn't *be* here!

Soothe Me - The Red, the black and the sorry.

What am I doing?
What have I done?
I told the truth for you and nearly lost you.
I risked losing you.
So I vowed to never let them hurt you again.
I lied.
I lied for you, and they hurt you again.
I don't understand any more.
I was so sure that by decieving them, you would be protected by me.
I abandoned my search.  And they got you again.
I'm sorry.  Oh god, I'm so, so sorry.  Now I can see I'm a part of this deadly game.  A player who can't quit.  My every move is crucial.
I shut you off, and hurt us both.  Now I don't know what to do.

You're at my door, looking uncertain as I stand and watch you.  You say you want to apologise.  Oh god, no.  I take you in my arms, don't, don't apologise, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, over and ever again, broken whispered words from a breaking heart.  Tears are falling from my eyes but I don't feel them, only hear my cruelty of the past few days, and I'm sorry, so, so sorry.  I'm fumbling, shoving my gun into your hand, please shoot me, I've ruined everything you ever had, please...
You silently take the weapon and guide me to the sofa, gently sit me down, reach up to stroke a lock of hair out of my eyes, I shake my head.  Don't, don't try to comfort me, I hate myself, I don't deserve to live, please, end my existance for both our sakes -
You tip my head back and force our eyes to meet and I can see you're crying too, oh I'm so sorry, it shakes me and my tears are still falling, my hands are trembling, but I can see that look in your eyes, and I hear a clatter as the gun falls to the floor, you hold me tightly as we sob together, our intertwined relationship has brought us here, yanked apart to come together more fully than ever before.  Healing the pain away to show our true selves to one another once again, two halves of a whole.