Dazed And Confused - by The One With Red Hair.
(ds4fm@hotmail.com)

Disclaimer:  Yes, I know, zzzzz, but it has to be done if I want to save my
skin, my money, my website and my stories!  I don't own Mulder, Scully
or anything related to The X-Files (I wish I did), they are the precious
property of Chris I Am God Carter, 1013, Twentieth Century Fox and
probably a bunch of other people.  I'm making no money from this, it's
here just to enlighten people of the goings-on in my strange little brain.
Don't sue me, I'll plead insanity.  I will!  I mean, come on now.  They
could even prove that I'm unstable.  I *did* write this disclaimer!!!

Rating: PG for some strong language… shut up and leave me alone!!

Classification: MSR, H, Improv.

Summary: Just read it.

Author's notes: This is my improv for the SEFAMSRN list.  My
elements were: Hot tub; Happiness by Our Lady Peace; Light-up
alien pen and notebook; Scully at a rock concert of Veruca Salt,
Deftones, The Union Underground, Disturbed, Slipknot, KoRn,
Fuel, Nickelback, ad the Smashing Pumpkins; Mulder making a
fool of himself in a chicken suit dancing to Respect by Aretha
Franklin; and the outback New South Wales town of Dubbo. 
ThanX a LOT, guys!!

Noromos and Naxis - get out or regret it forever.  Don't bother
to
flame me - you shouldn't *be* here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~daZed and conFUsed~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


She sighed as she eased into the steaming hot tub.  The scent
of siX different bubble baths assaulted her senses in a rush
of deliciousness, and she sighed again.  Content, at last.
Thinking back, Scully didn't know what on earth had happened
for her to end up the way she had done.  She should have
known something was up when Mulder bundled her onto
a plane without telling her where she was going, or why.
When the pilot announced the plane's destination being
Australia - New South Wales, in fact - she had panicked
somewhat.

She really wished she hadn't caused such a scene by
trying to get the plane to stop as it was taking off now.
Scully cringed at the memory, and ran the rest of the events
over in her head, each as awful as the last.

Arriving in the small town of Dubbo, jetlagged, confused and
furious, she had almost lost her tether.  But she hadn't
realised just how much so until Mulder blindfolded her and
once again bundled her off, this time into a Range Rover,
and began to drive across the outback.

Scully smirked as she remembered the jeep now, but at the
time it had merely pissed her off further that Mulder was
being such a... what had she called him?  "Insolent bastard"
was one of them.  "Stupid twat" was another.  She remembered
using the f-word quite freely during the course of the journey,
too.  Mulder had seemed quite amused by this.

"Feeling feisty tonight, aren't we Scully?"  He had teased,
sending her off again on another stream of insults.  Dear
God, she thought to herself.  Whatever is wrong with me?
When the Range Rover stopped and Mulder finally removed
her blindfold, she had quietened down for about five minutes.
It was impossible for her to tell where they were - not only
was it pitch black outside, but her eyes were still blurry from
being closed for so long.  But then, as she adjusted to the
gloom, a very loud sound made itself clear to her by clanging
inside her skull.

"Mulder?!  What the hell is this?!"

The pig.  He'd just grinned and dragged her over slippery
mud to a door, and pushed her through it.

When Scully saw what was going on, she had tried to escape.
This she gave herself credit for - her attempt at getting away.
Sadly, she hadn't accounted for the fact that she was
surrounded by so many people that she couldn't see the door,
and had no clue where Mulder even was.  And she couldn't
ask anyone either, as the *noise* was unbearably loud.
"God DAMN IT!"  She exclaimed out loud from the safety of
her bathtub at the fact that her partner had somehow managed
to get her to stay at a nine-hour rock concert featuring KoRn,
The Smashing Pumpkins, and a plethora of other loons who
-laughingly- called themselves musicians with such ridiculous
names that she hadn't even bothered trying to remember them.
All she remembered was the fact that she'd been stuck there,
cold, wet and shivering for the first hour, and then boiling hot
and deaf for the rest.

To make matters worse, at one point someone else in the
crowd - a disgusting-looking teenage boy with odd metal
piercings and a chain hanging from his trousers - picked her
up and threw her into the throng, which lead not only to her
travelling considerably closer to the speakers, but also a lot
further from the way she came in, and from where she
presumed Mulder to be.  On her surfing across the crowd
she experienced several bum-pinchings and other delightful
sensations…

Scully shuddered.  "God DAMN YOU, Mulder!"  She fumed
to herself, running more hot water into the bath in an effort to
remind herself that she was really at home and no longer on
that hellish evening God knew where.

It was after this gig, however, that things changed direction.
She had to smile to herself as she recalled the last (crap)
band smashing up the stage and then leaving, which in turn
lead to everyone turning and running towards what she
presumed to be the direction of the exit.  Exhausted,
jetlagged and generally confused at what the FUCK was
going on around her, Scully had sat herself down in the middle
of a sea of rubbish, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And finally she heard a noise behind her, and Mulder was
stood there, looking perfect.  She felt ridiculous as she got
to her feet, her hair sticking out in ten directions and her
clothes covered in mud and other revolting substances.
She heard a crunching noise below her shoes and saw
that she had stepped on a light-up alien pen… how ironic.
"You bastard, Mulder.  You absolute bastard!  What are
you doing?!  Why did you bring me here?!"  Mulder grinned
at her.  She wanted to punch him sometimes, she really did.
"Gee, Scully, I thought you might like it.  I know how you
sometimes let your hair down…" He reached into his rucksack
and produced a CD… Happiness, by Our Lady Peace.
"What are you doing with that?!"  She made a dive for it,
but missed him completely, falling on her face in the crud
all over the floor.  When she looked up again, Mulder was
setting fire to the CD.  Scully growled.

"Goddamn it Mulder, get me OUT of here!"  She had no idea
what was going on now, but it was funny…

Funny?

Yes, funny.  Scully had found herself laughing hysterically.
Mulder looked confused for about ten seconds, and then
he had started to dance around as well.  Only… only something
wasn't quite right about him… he was dressed strangely.  In a
 chicken suit?  And in her head she could just about hear
a song she recognised… she had been unable to place it
at that moment, though…

Especially seeing as how then she shook her head and
saw that it was not Mulder dancing, but a real chicken.
A real chicken… she was in a zoo.

Mulder was stood besides her, holding her upright, as she
had begun to babble insanely… what the hell was going on
here?  She looked around desperately to try and understand
what was going on, and could just about make out the word
"Dubbo" on a nearby sign.  Dubbo, Dubbo… she reached into
her back pocket and pulled out her diary, flipping to the front
page for the map of Australia she thought was in there… but
it wasn't.  Instead, the pages were light green, with a strange
design on them… she had flipped in confusion to the front of
the diary, to see it was in fact an alien notebook.  "Mulder?"
She had asked weakly.

"Scully?  Yeah?"

"What's going on?"

And then he had…

Hold on…

How did she get home again?

Scully's eyes flew open to her bathroom…

Only she wasn't in the bathroom at all.

She was in the back of that blasted jeep.  She was in
Australia with Mulder.

She was naked.

Mulder smiled at her as her eyes fluttered open.  "Hey,
Scully."  He whispered tenderly.  "You sleep well?  You've been
out for hours.  You're so beautiful when you sleep… we
really should come on vacation more often."

"Vacation?"  Scully asked weakly.  And then it all came
back to her… their eventual first kiss all those months ago,
their holiday to Australia…

"I was having the weirdest dream, Mulder," she murmured.

He smiled.

"Really, sweetie?  Did it have anything to do with this?"  He
immediately launched into a rendition of Respect by Aretha
Franklin… the chicken suit song.

"Mulder… what the FUCK is going on?!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Copyrighted Red 2001, so there.

Do NOT archive!  Ask first.  Can't think why you *would* though...
 ROTFL.
Feedback - I live for it!  Criticism accepted if you're not too horrid,
compliments treasured forever!
ds4fm@hotmail.com