My rather deranged personal version of You Know You're An X-Phile When. I'm pretty sure there is stuff in here that nobody else will *ever* have to experience... I'm just deranged! -------- YKYAXPW... People stop listening You realise everyone in the school knows who you are You run out of wall space and yet continue buying posters You spot X's, unmarked white vans and other philes without looking for them You only buy 'normal' magazines if you've got a really good reason You find hidden meaning in all manner of songs You manage to link an episode of Neighbours back to the X-Files You find a piece of paper in your room with 'David Duchovny' signed all over it in your writing You sit up all night thinking about the show and still have the energy to run a website You write forty pages to someone you've never met You novelise your favourite scenes Your chemistry teacher moans about the X hanging round your neck Someone says 'Autopsy' and your first thought is 'Scully!!!' Your standard reply to being told to do something is 'Sure, fine, whatever' You get recognised in the X-Files shop You go to see the movie hundreds of times, declaring 'I love this film!' ten times a second You'd rather rearrange posters than go out with your friends Your room becomes tidy so that all your merchandise can be seen Your family knows that it's X-Day Your friends know that it's X-Day Your enemies know that it's X-Day You've always got a clean X-Shirt in the cupboard You develop a chronic fear of fire, bees and people who smoke You doodle the X logo on everything including your desk You feel at home with computer nerds and become one yourself You realise that you're paranoid You fork out ridiculous amounts of money for posters and X-Files stuff You feel overcome with emotion upon hearing the 20th Century Fox music You cry at episodes that are supposed to be cute Your friends stop being fans You turn against trekkies You establish a love-hate relationship with the VCR VCR becomes Victorious Carter Rules Other initials are rewritten You shudder at the mention of Salt Lake City, Utah You cry at the mention of cancer or anyone named Bill You cry with happiness at the mention of anything that's big time You hear someone say 'X-Files' when they're across the room chatting quietly and you're laughing loudly You don't care if anyone calls you a loser You refuse to believe anything said by the military or government You laugh when someone mentions sleeping bags, pumper trucks, girly screams or tails You go all misty eyed and drifty if someone mentions cures or the kiss of life You have a 'we're gonna kiss' picture as wallpaper on your computer You defend people who write poems or romantic stories You write poems or romantic stories You write other stories You circle a page of X's in your history notes without meaning to You wail whenever you hear the words 'The End' You manage to get X-Files related questions in your exams People ask you if you enjoyed your X-Files related exams You're always in debt to someone You fall in love with the postie You hate the postie You worship the inventor of jiffy bags You ask complete strangers if they know the meaning of the Ab Roller You love Mr Potato Head You link a season one standalone episode back to a season five mythology You find allusions to the X-Files lurking in your schoolwork You fight and win an entire RS argument by using philism to inspire you without even mentioning it Your worst enemy knows you were thinking about the X-Files during said argument Your homework diary is passed around the classroom and returned intact Someone in your english class who you don't even know asks to borrow a video You know the answer to something in chemistry because Scully mentioned it once You enjoy crying your eyes out You decide that it would be cool to hack a computer system and end up in jail You're so tired from all-night daydreams that your french teacher asks if you're okay Your favourite animal becomes a fox If you could be someone else for a day, it'd be Eleanor Roosevelt If you can't be a dead person, it'd be Gillian Anderson You slag off movies and television shows that do better than the X-Files in any way You can quote without even realising you just quoted Your enemies watch the X-Files to shut you up Your enemies know when a quote is a quote You aspire to have red hair You get red hair You like wearing glasses You give all your friends X-ish nicknames and demand to be called Scully You sing along to Lady In Red and end up in tears You worship 5Text You hate 5Text You worship the Beeb You hate the Beeb You apologise to the weatherman You lapse into French and talk about the X-Files without even realising You go into an X-ish trance at a (totally unrelated) pop concert and miss ten minutes even when you're in the third row and the speakers are right next to you You go into a trance in a biology lesson and nearly fall off of your seat You pray that someone might invent an X-Files bedspread You wish you had Mulder and Scully... dolls?!!! Your idea of a nice saturday night is different to everybody else's You have an alien embryo in a jar You have a label originally from said alien embryo hanging off your school blazer You have inflatable aliens named Chris, Redux, Blue and Reticulan (oh, and Kenny) Your father screams, "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" at said aliens You consider writing a philosophy essay on the nature of fictional characters in terms of metaphysics and personal identity You will quite happily watch an entire episode of The X-Files in French, but still quote along in English The next day you find yourself calling M and S "Muuulldeeerrr" and "Scoolaay"